Poor Poor Pickles

My parents have a dog, named Pickles.  She was limping around and since we love that stupid thing so much, they took her to the vet.  Well, she came home all bandaged up, the top of her paw shaved off and hopefully whatever they think is stuck in there will come out.  The thing is, the poor dog is bothered so much by that foot all she does is lick it, she's torn off every bandage they've put on and now she just licks the skin.  I know what it's like, at least for me, to have something just never quite right.  Even on my good days I never really feel good.  I've forgotten what it feels like to feel normal.  Unlike Pickles, however, no one yells at me when I lick my wounds.

I went shopping yesterday to buy more yoga pants, or pants I can wear in the hospital.  I didn't think my 3 pair would do very well since laundry would be limited and I would rather not wear hospital clothes for 2 to 12 weeks.  For the first time in a very long time, I fit into a Large.... Not and XL but a Large.  I'm not sure I remember the last time I wore large anything.  I've always been a bigger girl, even when I'm thin I'm big.  According to my mom's scale I've lost 49 LBS since January.  Which, probably means it's closer to 45 since her scale is off.

So, to change the subject a big let's talk about this bone marrow donor thing.  Say you got a kidney transplant, when it doesn't "take" your immune system looks at that kidney and says hey, that is foreign, and your body attacks it.  Well, in my case, I'm getting a whole new immune system.  So what happens when that new immune system looks at my body and says, hey, that's foreign?  It's called, Graft-Versus-Host Disease, or GVHD.  This is what scares me, more than the hospital, more than the chemo, more than losing my hair.... These four little letters, GVHD.  I don't want my body to reject itself.  I don't want to be sick for a year while it gets use to something new.  They will put me on immune suppressants which stops your immune system from fighting, so it doesn't fight your body, but that also means, it doesn't fight anything else either.

There are two for sure things I've learned in my life about trials though.  1.  NEVER say it can't get worse than this.  and 2.  You never know what you can go through until you have to go through it.  So, that's it, one day at a time, one infection at a time.  I will take my good days that are never quite right until they are all good again!  I think maybe Pickles will get better before I do, but for now, I'll worry about her.  It's so annoying to have something not right with your body.

"There may be times when we have been hurt, when we are tired, when our lives seem dark and cold.  There may be times that we cannot see any light on the horizon, and we may feel like giving up.  If we are willing to believe, if we desire to believe, if we choose to believe than the Savior's teachings and example will show us the pathway forward."
~ L. Whitney Clayton